So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wear drunk well.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
