Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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