Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
