I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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