I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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