i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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