I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will be naked everywhere
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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