Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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