I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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