You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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