Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize