eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
