I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
