ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
