And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
