I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
