i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
MIDGETS
????
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
