he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
