Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
