I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
