You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
