That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
