Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
