Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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