it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
