god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
