How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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