New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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