I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
