There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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