I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
