Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
