i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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