We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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