I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
