happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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