so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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