she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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