if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
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I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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