So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
