Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
