Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
