The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
