i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
