p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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