she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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