On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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