i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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