is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
