Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
