I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
