oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
