alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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