omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
