im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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