I think I died a long time ago.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
