You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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