you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
