Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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