a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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