This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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