Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
