I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
