I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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