my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
