I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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