Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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