I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
